IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT ??

Okay, so we're about 3 1/2 weeks away from Christmas. I wish I could say I'm TOTALLY feeling the true Christmas Spirit right now, but that would be lying. My body hurts & feels like it's made of lead, I'm tired & sleepy ALL of the time lately, I can't seem to get a handle on my attempts to lose weight & have a healthier lifestyle, & mostly I'm depressed, lonely, sad, etc. I know there will be people, {well,if anyone even reads this}, who say "How can a person be lonely when they live with family members?" .... it's possible.  I don't fault them at all.  They love me & I love them, but we don't have anything in common, no real "connection" besides the fact that we're biologically related.  My parents are senior citizens & they have their own lives, & my nephews are young & have their own lives, too.  Me .... for the most part I don't have a life.  Not one to speak of anyway.  I do go to church as often as I am physically & emotionally able. I used to have what I considered to be some good friends at church, but some of them left for a different church & the others .... I don't know.  I guess they're around, but I sit alone & people say "hello", & I get a hug & lots of love from my pastor. I'm sorry, but it's just not enough.  I NEED someone who loves ME & wants to BE WITH ME.  I NEED someone that I can love back, someone that I want to BE WITH.    I have no real friends here in Homosassa, just my church friends. 
I pray A LOT .... pretty  much continuously. I BELIEVE that the Lord KNOWS what's in my heart & I BELIEVE that He has a plan for me .... I just wish I knew WHAT that plan was & WHEN it will start coming to life for me.  I have family that I love, & I know they love me, too. I have a beautiful daughter & precious granddaughter that I love very, very much; & a stepdaughter & 3 beautiful grandbabies that I also love; & 4 sisters, 3 brothers-in-law, & 6 nieces & nephews, plus my parents. I am still very close to my ex-husband & his family .... I still consider them to be my family & I love them all very much. {As a matter of fact, I believe we're closer NOW than we were in the beginning}.  The thing is, I always imagined myself being married FOREVER & having my children & grandchildren close by where I could see them as often as I liked.  There are times when I just can't help but think that there MUST be something WRONG with ME!  I have regrets, LOTS of regrets, but you can't go back.  I'm currently reading, {almost finished reading}, a book called "The Christmas List" by Richard Paul Evans.  It's a GREAT book for this season & has really got me thinking about my life....about the people I've hurt & the mistakes I've made.

I really just DON'T want to spend the rest of my life alone.  To be specific: I want a MAN who loves me that I can love back & that I can, {with God's help, of course}, do whatever it takes to make our relationship work for as long as we both shall live.  There is one concern I have regarding finding a man, & that is: what man would want to spend his life with a woman whose health is poor & who is in pain & is tired all of the time?  I mean, I can lose weight, & I will, & I believe that I'm a good person & somewhat intelligent & I know how to take care of myself & others; but .... my health is "fragile", {for lack of a better word}.  All I want for Christmas is someone who loves ME for ME & who will allow ME to love THEM, too!

MUCH LOVE & MANY BLESSINGS,

Melissa / Missy / Mom / Mimi  :)