Thank you Kimblee dear!!

OH, just LOOK at my new blog!!  Don't you LOVE it?!  And it's all thanks to my super-smart, sweet, amazing niece Kimberly!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you Kimblee dear!!  I love you & your beautiful little family so much!!  And thanks for always having such great advice for me .... filled with truth, love, & lots of wisdom, & all from the Holy Spirit, through you, to me!!

Waiting for my Prince Charming!

Hello to anyone who follows my blog!  I certainly hope that your life is going much better than I feel mine is.  I just can't seem to find much joy or happiness in my life, or even much to be grateful for.  I mean, I know that I'm alive, I have a home with food on the table & all of my needs are being met, except one .... love.  Well, sure, my parents, sisters, daughter, granddaughter, & other family members love me, but .... I NEED a man in my life to love me, cherish me, & be with me till death do us part.  I had that, several times in fact, with the same man, but I blew it.  I REALLY blew it!  And now, my health isn't getting any better, I'm stuck in this ridiculously small county where there is mostly old people & families with young children.  There are hardly any single people over 40 here, apparently.  My pastor even confirmed he felt the same way when I asked about a singles group at church.  WONDERFUL.  I pray about this EVERY SINGLE DAY, to no avail!  I wonder, does God answer us or send us messages through our dreams?!  My personal thought is yes, He does, at least I think He does for me.  I have the most vivid dreams that seem so real even after I first wake up.  Really strange dreams, too.  They usually make no sense at all.   The thing is, I've tried joining online dating groups, & I go to church as often as my health allows, but I am on disability & unable to work.  And then, there's the biggest problem .... I already know the man I want, the man I still love & always will, but I don't think he wants me that way any more.  And I can't say that I blame him really.  We still keep in touch, sort of.  I hear from his mother & his sister fairly often, online & on the phone, several times a week.  I feel stuck.  I don't have a car & I can't support myself on what I get from SSI, & I would love to stay close to my daughter & granddaughter .... so, what do I do?!  WHAT DO I DO NOW?!  I heard a song the other day that nearly took my breath away because it seemed to be speaking straight from my heart .... "Nobody Knows", I forget who the singer is though, but it's a country song.  {It's on my facebook.}  It says things like "I'm dyin' inside & nobody knows it but me!"  & "I'm missin' you & nobody knows it but me!"  Oh how I wish that God would answer my prayer & bring me SOMEBODY who loves me & wants to be with me, & who is willing to work hard & commit our relationship to God as a covenant & NOT a breakable contract!!  Somebody who is willing to stand up against anyone who tries to get between us or who refuses to treat me right.  I want someone to hold me, someone to take a picture for our yearly Christmas cards, someone for me to take care of & love, someone to share my most intimate & private thoughts with, someone for me to listen to, someone to snuggle up to on cold nights, someone to take trips & vacations with .... oh Heavenly Father, PLEASE bring me a man to love who will love me back!!

IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT ??

Okay, so we're about 3 1/2 weeks away from Christmas. I wish I could say I'm TOTALLY feeling the true Christmas Spirit right now, but that would be lying. My body hurts & feels like it's made of lead, I'm tired & sleepy ALL of the time lately, I can't seem to get a handle on my attempts to lose weight & have a healthier lifestyle, & mostly I'm depressed, lonely, sad, etc. I know there will be people, {well,if anyone even reads this}, who say "How can a person be lonely when they live with family members?" .... it's possible.  I don't fault them at all.  They love me & I love them, but we don't have anything in common, no real "connection" besides the fact that we're biologically related.  My parents are senior citizens & they have their own lives, & my nephews are young & have their own lives, too.  Me .... for the most part I don't have a life.  Not one to speak of anyway.  I do go to church as often as I am physically & emotionally able. I used to have what I considered to be some good friends at church, but some of them left for a different church & the others .... I don't know.  I guess they're around, but I sit alone & people say "hello", & I get a hug & lots of love from my pastor. I'm sorry, but it's just not enough.  I NEED someone who loves ME & wants to BE WITH ME.  I NEED someone that I can love back, someone that I want to BE WITH.    I have no real friends here in Homosassa, just my church friends. 
I pray A LOT .... pretty  much continuously. I BELIEVE that the Lord KNOWS what's in my heart & I BELIEVE that He has a plan for me .... I just wish I knew WHAT that plan was & WHEN it will start coming to life for me.  I have family that I love, & I know they love me, too. I have a beautiful daughter & precious granddaughter that I love very, very much; & a stepdaughter & 3 beautiful grandbabies that I also love; & 4 sisters, 3 brothers-in-law, & 6 nieces & nephews, plus my parents. I am still very close to my ex-husband & his family .... I still consider them to be my family & I love them all very much. {As a matter of fact, I believe we're closer NOW than we were in the beginning}.  The thing is, I always imagined myself being married FOREVER & having my children & grandchildren close by where I could see them as often as I liked.  There are times when I just can't help but think that there MUST be something WRONG with ME!  I have regrets, LOTS of regrets, but you can't go back.  I'm currently reading, {almost finished reading}, a book called "The Christmas List" by Richard Paul Evans.  It's a GREAT book for this season & has really got me thinking about my life....about the people I've hurt & the mistakes I've made.

I really just DON'T want to spend the rest of my life alone.  To be specific: I want a MAN who loves me that I can love back & that I can, {with God's help, of course}, do whatever it takes to make our relationship work for as long as we both shall live.  There is one concern I have regarding finding a man, & that is: what man would want to spend his life with a woman whose health is poor & who is in pain & is tired all of the time?  I mean, I can lose weight, & I will, & I believe that I'm a good person & somewhat intelligent & I know how to take care of myself & others; but .... my health is "fragile", {for lack of a better word}.  All I want for Christmas is someone who loves ME for ME & who will allow ME to love THEM, too!

MUCH LOVE & MANY BLESSINGS,

Melissa / Missy / Mom / Mimi  :) 

"Two Are Better Than One"

Today's sermon at church was from Ecclesiastes 4:1-12.  The part of this scripture that I like best is "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him .... a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  {Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.}  This sermon was very difficult for me because it really struck a nerve.  I'm certain that God intended for me to hear this, I'm just not sure exactly what He wanted me to learn from it.  It's true, I agree, two ARE better than one .... I just wish I had learned all of this a LONG time ago.  There are certain relationships in my life that I have a lot of regrets about.  Maybe if I had committed my life to the Lord BEFORE these relationships then I would have known that the bible says to lead our hearts, not to follow our hearts.   In the book "The Love Dare" it says that the heart is the center of our being, where the "real you" resides, the starting place of all of our thoughts, beliefs, values, motives, & convictions.  It says in Proverbs 27:19 "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man".  Boy, that scripture really makes me realize how selfish & completely unloving I have been in past relationships.  The thought that my words & actions then, {things I may have claimed were coming from my heart}, were a reflection of ME makes me realize that regret is not a strong enough word.   In the past I was FOLLOWING my heart instead of LEADING my heart.   In other words, I was following all the romantic notions that love songs, love stories, etc., tell us; just going along with my feelings & emotions at the time.  When you follow your heart you're chasing after whatever feels right at the moment instead of what is actually right.   Feelings & emotions are fickle & unreliable & can change according to the circumstances.  It also says in "The Love Dare" that our hearts are basically selfish & sinful, and that "unless our hearts are genuinely changed by God, they will continue to choose wrong things".  I think that statement right there will be my new ..... I don't know ..... my new "life statement", or "relationship statement",  I guess.  What I mean is, this will be my reminder that I need to LEAD MY HEART from now on, because that is the only way that my future relationships will succeed.  And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I believe that "two are better than one", and I hope someday to find my "better half" & work hard to make our relationship a COVENANT instead of a contract.  {Contracts can be broken, but a covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional & good for life, spoken before God out of love for another}.  I pray that when I do find a man to spend my life with, that we will BOTH commit to LEAD OUR HEARTS & commit our relationship to God.  

Thanks for reading my blog!!  Leave me a comment & let me know what YOU think!!